I’m not sure why I stopped. Besides the business of summer — kids home, few camps, work drying up for me — something else happened. Something soft and feral shut down and just refused to go forward. I didn’t put out as much, in terms of phone calls, emails, or posts. I did, finally, start reading again. Despite the protests of my over-50 eyes, I got through a bunch of books.
So although I worried about it, this shut-down wasn’t necessarily a bad thing. This elemental force inside me dragged her heels, refusing to be a champion multi-tasker. Maybe I wanted my own summer vacation.
We ended up with one of the nicest summers we’ve had in a long time with wonderful friends and family coming to visit. And now that the autumn pace is picking up again, the residue of all that is that I still don’t want to try so hard.
This may mean that I don’t want to do and achieve, but I think what this adamant part of me wants is to do and achieve, but not be so tense.
I’ve been working on that goal for a long time. Last year when school started, I went for an entire day (meaning 9 to 3) to a local spa, and sauna-ed and soaked outside in the crisp fall air, journaling, setting goals and re-setting my inner clock.
This year, I took last week to make a cover for an old and grubby — but still thick and warm — comforter that I’d been using in my favorite chair. This was a quiet, totally sensory joy; touching the fabric, looking at the lovely pattern, letting my mind dive into the simple straightforwardness of making things.
A mother’s place to rest to recharge. Now, with this chair ready to receive me, on to the next season.