Dear girls (please take note, Great Being):
Effective immediately, this is what I want: I want you two to do exactly what I tell you at all times.
This is because I have carefully, painstakingly thought out the parenting of your early years so that you can grow and thrive under my well-honed instruction. Follow these instructions even when I’m wrong, have thought of something at the last minute, am making it up, or am obviously contradicting myself.
I ask this because mothering is hard and I’m doing it all selflessly for you. Purposefully ignore any statements I may have made at any point in your life about how much I like baking things for class , doing craft projects, going to school events and generally watching you grow. Be grateful, kind, polite and don’t talk back.
When you are 18, or make it 22, I want you to step out into the world away from my tutelage as fully independent, smart, self-realized women who know exactly what they want and how to get it.
You will have achieved this without your parents necessarily having demonstrated these abilities for you. You will exhibit successful leadership qualities without exploring your independence in troublesome ways during your pre-teen and teen years. You will just do it.
I find this an entirely reasonable stress-free course of action and see no reason why this approach cannot be adopted immediately.
Note to the Almighty: I suppose I am open to discussion on these points, but since I have thought this through thoroughly, I fully expect You will not find any fault in this request and aid me in all ways.
A tired mom, desperately seeking a nap and a good novel by Jane Austen, in whose novels people behave well and it all turns out happily.