Important notice to my daughters, cc God

Wild native snapdragons growing between the cracks of our patio. Beautiful and unruly, like some people I know….

Dear girls (please take note, Great Being):

Effective immediately, this is what I want: I want you two to do exactly what I tell you at all times.

This is because I have carefully, painstakingly thought out the parenting of your early years so that you can grow and thrive under my well-honed instruction. Follow these instructions even when I’m wrong, have thought of something at the last minute, am making it up, or am obviously contradicting myself.

I ask this because mothering is hard and I’m doing it all selflessly for you. Purposefully ignore any statements I may have made at any point in your life about how much I like baking things for class , doing craft projects, going to school events and generally watching you grow. Be grateful, kind, polite and don’t talk back.

When you are 18, or make it 22, I want you to step out into the world away from my tutelage as fully independent, smart, self-realized women who know exactly what they want and how to get it.

You will have achieved this without your parents necessarily having demonstrated these abilities for you. You will exhibit successful leadership qualities without exploring your independence in troublesome ways during your pre-teen and teen years. You will just do it.

I find this an entirely reasonable stress-free course of action and see no reason why this approach cannot be adopted immediately.

Note to the Almighty: I suppose I am open to discussion on these points, but since I have thought this through thoroughly, I fully expect You will not find any fault in this request and aid me in all ways.


A tired mom, desperately seeking a nap and a good novel by Jane Austen, in whose novels people behave well and it all turns out happily.

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5 Responses to Important notice to my daughters, cc God

  1. christine says:

    I hear you. I want some help, some sleep and some female time. I want to be respected and heard. I support your wishes and hope for the best. Here is to you and I getting what we want and having children that are happy and sucessful. Happy Sunday.

  2. growingmygirls says:

    Happy Memorial Day to you. Of course, after that was written a few days ago, they’ve been just angels and we’ve had a great time together, even though I haven’t necessarily gotten what I wanted! Looking forward to school being out.

  3. This was so good, and so funny! As someone who raised 2 26-year-olds, a 21-year-old and a 17-year-old, I can’t count the # of times I said/thought: “it’s not that hard, just do what I told you to do!” I’ve found that unfortunately they DO pick up more on what I do than on what I say to do. Plus, that whole thing about exploring independence in troublesome ways….well, yours aren’t teenagers yet, are they? Just keep a sense of humor, and remember that one day they’ll be grown…

    • growingmygirls says:

      I know, it just stinks, doesn’t it? The part about them picking up on what I do rather than what I say. And they’re not teenagers, but one seems to be developing early and I’m getting a glimpse of what’s lying in store for us, and I’m quaking in my boots. Can you send me a couple bottles of sense of humor?

  4. You’ll need a couple of cases of that, not just a few bottles! I was 17 when I arrived in Chapel Hill…don’t worry, you’ll make it!

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