Trusting That I Can, Day 20: Earning my keep

A big trust issue over here at my house is money. Making it, that is. I’ve never been good at it. Never.

I could bore you with long sorry tales about my family’s beliefs about money. Cut to the chase and they essentially boil down to “We can’t do it.” I ingested those beliefs whole, and since then I have been chipping away at them.

However, I’m in a fortunate position. Due to last year’s efforts, we’ve got the financial trajectory for the rest of this year worked out. It’s leaner than we’d like and it’s time to get cracking on next year and to build a more solid future.

Which of course, kindly, takes away the immediate urgency.  But it also…takes away the immediate urgency. It allows me to wallow in my fears about earning rather than doing something about earning. Watching how recent months slid by with little financial action by me, I see how easily I could suddenly get to Labor Day with little to nothing going on.

On the positive side, as I’ve written before, this situation also allows me to take a little time to step back and envision some type of work future that is inspiring. I started this blog project to kick my butt a little, get myself out of the wallow pit and get excited about these, ahem, opportunities ahead.

It’s time to take out the trust axe. And every slogan, trick and tactic I’ve discovered in my long life. Remembering that I have certainly made a living before, remembering that line about how God clothes the lilies of the field, remembering that worry does nothing, remembering that you have to plant the seeds before you get the fruit.

And remembering that trust doesn’t mean I’ll get rich, or even be ok in the way that I imagine: being healthy, housed and happy, able to cover the bills while also paying for education and great vacations.

It’s another one of life’s blind jumps. Trusting that it’s simply time for me to tackle another inner blockage. That it’s what is needed for a new prosperity and success.

And knowing that it might not go that way. If so, then there’s no choice but to trust that as well. The cool thing is that I’m thinking about this as other than a raw deal. It really does seem to be getting a little exciting.


This post is part of a series of posts on trust, based on the 21-Day Salutes originated by blogger Colleen Wainwright. The intention is to write daily to help shift a habit. Originally, she had been told that it takes 21 days of new behavior to change a habit. She has since found out that it is apparently takes much longer. Oh well….

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2 Responses to Trusting That I Can, Day 20: Earning my keep

  1. First Gen American says:

    My paranoia about being poor makes me cling onto jobs. As much as I sometimes have fantasies about taking the summer off and going to the beach with my kids every day, I’m petrified of losing my income (even if I technically don’t need it because of my spouse and low cost of living). I’ve been working non-stop since I was 11 and I think that too is a kind of scary place, to need something that badly that I don’t take breaks for life and other things. I’m at the other end of the pendulum from this post…not knowing how not to earn and being scared to death of not having regular income that is all my own.

    • growingmygirls says:

      This is so interesting — thank you for posting. You know, this is such tricky stuff. My mother was also European but from a more prosperous part (England) and while living here, remembered and missed the slower and more social way of European life, the cafes, and long holidays etc… She always let me know that there were nicer ways to live that the hyper-driven American way with one week vacation a year (when I entered the work force, that’s what you got). Of course, she had enough money and was stuck in the be a secretary until you find a husband thing. Her opinions sunk in and work has never seemed like freedom, but more entrapment. Of course if you examine all this it doesn’t make much sense and there’s “freedom” and “entrapment” on both sides, but that’s the mindset I’m trying to shift now.

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