Trusting That I Can, Day 12: A whack on the head

Today’s gift from the garden

“Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?”

This Biblical gem, from Matthew 6:25, gave me a stout, pro-trust whack on the head this morning. Raised as an old-guard Episcopalian who now doesn’t go to church, I don’t turn to the Good Book much, but this stopped me short today. I’ll take my inspiration from anywhere, and this observation really does stop any argument in its tracks.

In the last few weeks, by challenging myself to be less fearful, I’ve added a burden to my days as I tussle it out inside me. In one hand, I’m holding fear, the memory of difficult times, now fused into my way of being.

Over there in the other corner, I’ve got my other hand on the challenger. This newcomer isn’t even trust; it’s the idea of trust that I’m trying to grasp; the willingness to learn how trust works.

I’m finding that not only do I have to let go of fear once, but then I have to decide to do it again. And again. And again. Because each situation, each minute, is a different maze to navigate, a maze where fear already knows the way. And I see that for me, fear feels realistic, and that goofy upstart there in the other corner, trust, feels foolishly optimistic.

Because this quote has been a divine spear of logic for thousands of years, my inner warrior relaxes. He’s the one who says,  “Explore all this woo-woo stuff as much as you like. When it comes right down to it, intense hypervigilance is the only way to stay safe.”

But he also understands when he’s been bested. I feel him standing down, leaning back and putting his feet on the table, declaring, “Well, you have a point. If I can’t make a big difference right now, I’ll take a breather.”

If he can, maybe I can too.

 

This post is part of a series of posts on trust, based on the 21-Day Salutes originated by blogger Colleen Wainwright. The intention is to write daily to help shift a habit. Originally, she had been told that it takes 21 days of new behavior to change a habit. She has since found out that it is apparently takes much longer. Oh well….

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4 Responses to Trusting That I Can, Day 12: A whack on the head

  1. christine says:

    Worry, my middle name, along with fear. I do recognize that when I worry nothing gets better, it is a waste of time. I need to get go of expectations and trust in the outcome. Not in my time….

    • growingmygirls says:

      It’s so true, but doesn’t stop the worrying! There’s some other little worm in there that starts the worry chain going. Take it easy, take care — we should have internet breathing sessions!

  2. First Gen American says:

    I don’t see overpreparedness as the same thing as fear or worrying. Maybe you can just rename your vigilance and declare success. Fear and worrying is usually done about something you don’t have any control over…and it is wasted energy/time. Hoping for the best but preparing for the worst, is actually controllable. You can’t always prevent a job loss, but you can save up an emergency fund, or brush up your resume or build new skills. One is productive, the other is not. Embrace your nervous nelly, prepare and then let go of the rest. Easier said than done, but it’s the best we have in our power. Feeling empowered to do something about your fears is the best thing to combat them. Good luck. I’m still not sure what exactly you are afraid of though.

  3. growingmygirls says:

    Thank you Sandy. Yes, being prepared is so important. But I find I’ve got that “thing” that just keeps right on being nervous no matter how prepared I can be. It’s not immobilizing or anything although it can drive my husband crazy. It affects my inner quality of life, how I go through each day. I like your observation “it’s the best we have in our power.” That seems to settle the matter for you — haven’t quite trained myself to let it go at that point.

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